The Most Politically Incorrect Videogame Idea Ever

Violence is always a part of us, no matter how peaceful or "nice" someone may seem. We may prefer to delude ourselves into thinking that a certain person would "never do such a thing" such as a violent or perhaps perverted act, but the truth is that everyone is capable and everyone - when the right conditions are met - is most likely willing to commit these acts.

Acts such as going on a shooting spree. Jack Thompson, eat your heart out.

After the Virginia Tech massacre became the U.S.'s worst one-person shooting, I began thinking, "Who could get the top score?" Of course, I don't want people to go out into highly populated public places with guns to see who could top Cho Seung-Hui's record as that is just silly and depressing. With the real world out of the question, we ought to turn to the virtual world of videogames.

Okay. As of now, in videogames you can shoot Nazis, aliens, hookers and old ladies trying to cross the street. Are there any videogames where you can kill your fellow students at school? Or any videogames where you're at a mall so you can start shooting all of those annoying Burdines salespeople trying to thrust that perfume sample at you? Or at a grocery store so you can headshot that bratty kid whining over that candybar or the old lady trying to use 100 coupons at the same time?

FPS shooting with everyday, real life situations. Shoot as many people as you can (they're usually unarmed and running away...kinda like in Zoo Tycoon when you let a tiger loose) before you get killed by police/security guards.

Another one. You are a poor cubicle worker. You get barraged with memos, stupid e-mail forwards from your coworkers, and you get fucking Lumbergh at your cubicle every 10 minutes going on about those coversheets for your TPS reports. You try vainly to keep yourself sane by sleeping on the toilet instead of alphabetizing (100 points if you get the reference!), by playing Spider Solitaire when no one's looking, by screwing your boss's secretary in his office when he's out to lunch, or by smashing your head against your desk to numb the pain.

When you can't take it anymore (hmm, maybe a sanity meter like Eternal Darkness?) you go to the Sporting Goods shop right across the street and use all of the money that you've earned so far in the game by working at your mediocre little desk job (meaning the longer you last in being sane, the better equipped you'll be) to purchase your inventory of weapons. Go back to work and start painting the walls red.

Having a nifty red Swingline stapler and setting the building on fire just isn't enough anymore.

And for real, I would buy these games.