Parental Neglect

One of the few things that the killer at Virginia Tech and I have in common are that we are both Asian and come from families where the parents are usually absent because of work. Coming from a family of five children, I've realized that my parents work all the time (12+ hours a day) to provide us with anything we need and to be able to support us when we go off to college because they want us to have a good life...a better life.

Ahn described them [Cho Seung-Hui's parents] as "hard-working" people whose long hours helped send their daughter to Princeton University and their son to Virginia Tech. (source)

Being hard-working isn't enough to be a proper parent. Sending your kids off to college doesn't mean you were a good parent. Yes, you're fulfilling that part of "The American Dream" that you wanted for your children but at what cost?

Anger. Violence. A cold demeanor because it's hard for us to express our emotions.

You don't know who we are as people and we don't know you. Even as we grow older, the door is locked tight, the book sealed shut.

It's too late to try.

The Most Politically Incorrect Videogame Idea Ever

Violence is always a part of us, no matter how peaceful or "nice" someone may seem. We may prefer to delude ourselves into thinking that a certain person would "never do such a thing" such as a violent or perhaps perverted act, but the truth is that everyone is capable and everyone - when the right conditions are met - is most likely willing to commit these acts.

Acts such as going on a shooting spree. Jack Thompson, eat your heart out.

After the Virginia Tech massacre became the U.S.'s worst one-person shooting, I began thinking, "Who could get the top score?" Of course, I don't want people to go out into highly populated public places with guns to see who could top Cho Seung-Hui's record as that is just silly and depressing. With the real world out of the question, we ought to turn to the virtual world of videogames.

Okay. As of now, in videogames you can shoot Nazis, aliens, hookers and old ladies trying to cross the street. Are there any videogames where you can kill your fellow students at school? Or any videogames where you're at a mall so you can start shooting all of those annoying Burdines salespeople trying to thrust that perfume sample at you? Or at a grocery store so you can headshot that bratty kid whining over that candybar or the old lady trying to use 100 coupons at the same time?

FPS shooting with everyday, real life situations. Shoot as many people as you can (they're usually unarmed and running away...kinda like in Zoo Tycoon when you let a tiger loose) before you get killed by police/security guards.

Another one. You are a poor cubicle worker. You get barraged with memos, stupid e-mail forwards from your coworkers, and you get fucking Lumbergh at your cubicle every 10 minutes going on about those coversheets for your TPS reports. You try vainly to keep yourself sane by sleeping on the toilet instead of alphabetizing (100 points if you get the reference!), by playing Spider Solitaire when no one's looking, by screwing your boss's secretary in his office when he's out to lunch, or by smashing your head against your desk to numb the pain.

When you can't take it anymore (hmm, maybe a sanity meter like Eternal Darkness?) you go to the Sporting Goods shop right across the street and use all of the money that you've earned so far in the game by working at your mediocre little desk job (meaning the longer you last in being sane, the better equipped you'll be) to purchase your inventory of weapons. Go back to work and start painting the walls red.

Having a nifty red Swingline stapler and setting the building on fire just isn't enough anymore.

And for real, I would buy these games.

"Feel the love!"

The other day I went in to a nearby BP gas station to fill up my tank. After I had put in my debit card and zip code, inserted the nozzle into my tank to fuel up (ohhh yeah, do it just like that!), and started pumping, I looked at the gas pump. There were several images of people hugging gas pumps. There was one image of a fifty or sixty year old man practically humping the thing, and another one of an Asian lady (possibly thirty) and we all know how kinky those Asians are! To make matters worse, the words, "Feel the love!" were placed next to all of them.

Do we really love gas that much that we'll make sweet love to the machine that gives it to us?

You can see a very ecstatic African-American lady, possibly in post-coital bliss, still clinging to her gas pump at the official site of this pump-screwing trend: BP "Feel the Love!" Sweepstakes.

Beware, these people didn't get the memo that adding auditory content (a.k.a. annoying sounds) to websites actually is a turn off.

Gender-bending, slightly homosexual fantasies

When I was sixteen and stupid, I used to have phone sex with guys I met off the Internet.

There were a few "friends" who would call me several times a week, and there was one particular friend who would take it upon himself to call me almost every day without regard to what time it was. We'll call this guy F.

F was in his late 20s, early 30s supposedly. When I first met him, he gave me several different names, some of which were pen names of his. I say pen names, because he wrote poetry. I was writing poetry back then too, though it was the depressed, teenage angst kind. So, we met in one of AOL's Poetry chat rooms. It so happens that all the psychos hang out there.

And I found a really bad one.

F called me all the fucking time. He called my phone during school. During work. When I was sleeping. If I didn't pick up, he'd leave messages. When I told him to stop calling me, he wouldn't. If I answered the phone and heard his voice, I'd hang up. He was obsessed.

Oh, but this post is supposed to be about naughty, gender-bending fantasies.

It is.

F had one dirty little secret. His fantasy was for my female friends and I to dress him up as a girl, with a short little skirt, fake tits, bright red lipstick and a wig. Then, as he waited on his hands and knees, my friends and I would bring in a bunch of guys with hard cocks, their hands behind their backs.

He wanted us girls to touch him with these cocks. Force one into his mouth with our little hands, rub another against his butt, do all sorts of nasty things to him with erections that weren't his.

I should have told him that he was a sick motherfucker. My acceptance of his unconventional fantasy probably made him all the more obsessed with me.

Anyhow, I really do think that there is a little bit of homosexuality in all of us. For example, I know one straight guy who is turned on by flaccid penises. I'll admit that I have a certain obsession with girls' tits, but sex with a girl only seems attractive if a strap-on gets thrown into the mix.

Yay for penis!

Thank God for Craptastic Nirvana Covers

To the band Animal Collective, thank you SO FUCKING MUCH for destroying Nirvana's "Polly" and making me laugh my ass off. I was driving home from work, suffering a bit of depression from fucking having my period, and was listening to the local college radio.

30 minutes ago...

"Maybe she would like more food
She asked me to untie her
A chase would be nice for a few"

What the shit? This sounds hella familiar. It sounds a lot like that "Polly" song. But what the fuck is it with this guy's voice? Then the chorus comes. HOLY FUCK. It is that song.

"She caught me off my guaaaaraaaard"

HAHAHA, this is the WORST FUCKING COVER SONG ever made. This sounds even worse than Guitar Hero II's version of Nirvana's "Heart-Shaped Box" and that was just horrible. Seriously.

AAAH HE SOUNDS LIKE A DRUNK ADAM SANDLER SINGING!!!

I just can't stop laughing, though. It's amazing how bad this cover song is...

Using Google, I got the mp3 for it. I'm still laughing.

Anyone else know of any bad cover songs?

Hey God?

It's almost 4 AM and I still haven't ventured on into the sweet, lush meadows of sleep. Blogging just seems so much more interesting right now, and what better to pass the time than to try to answer some questions intended for atheists?

Lo and behold, I have found Questions for God instead! These questions are so inane, so stupid, that I can't believe atheists would write them.

Why do you let your followers murder and rape us? Why do you let your Catholic priests sodomize our precious children? I think it's safe to say that we really don't like this. Isn't your Catholic hierarchy hand chosen by you from the top down? Are you afraid to admit to making a mistake in your choices? Can you please admit the mistake and let our children grow up in a normal, ethical and safe environment?

Honey, they murder and rape everybody, not just you because you're special. Catholic priests and nuns sexually molest children because they are sexually repressed, crazy, and they're human beings like everyone else who's fucked up in this world. To explain why they're crazy, I read in a Playboy magazine that there was a nun who raped a young girl to "get the devil out of her." Anyway, what are YOUR children (supposedly atheist children) doing around Catholic priests? These questions are so stupid.

Why do you make your followers suffer so much? Why do they die at the hands of other religions? Can't you put a stop to this? You're omnipotent, right? Can you 'show us your stuff'? Why do you let all those Church buses crash? Why do you let all your religious followers die in plane crashes, terrorist attacks, car accidents, famines, floods, hurricanes, tornados, etc.? Is this part of 'Your Plan'? If you needed more Angels or something, why didn't you just create more Angels? Why do you cause so much pain down here? Are you sadistic?

Everyone suffers, believers and nonbelievers alike. If people stopped dying, then no one would be going to heaven or hell, would they? People have to die sometime, otherwise our world would be more overpopulated than it already is. And fuck this Angel shit. Also, pain is a natural part of life - without it, you wouldn't get to fully appreciate joy. As for that last part, of course God is a sadist. He likes watching the nonbelievers burn.

Links to read when I've had sleep:
Atheism 101
Answers to 11 Questions for Atheists

Dinner with an Online Date

Online dating. No matter what you think about it, your experiences with it or your non-experiences with it, there is no denying that online dating has become part of the American way of life.

You can't get a date or someone to suck your dick? Look online. Either there's someone just as desperate as you, someone who's looking to score money quickly, or someone working for Dateline's To Catch a Predator.

Of course there are problems. There are people who pose as someone else. There are people you can't trust and who will only use you. There are perverts everywhere.

So what about those people who actually do find love?

Online dating has never really been safe. You have no guarantee that the person you've been talking to is actually who he or she says. How can you be sure that the photos they sent you really are of them, and not some friend or random person?

Introducing Dinner with an Online Date. Intended for those who don't want a webcam or are too poor/scared of meeting their love in real life.

I'm proposing the idea of a chain of restaurants that caters to people who date online. Tables for two all over the place, soft music, impeccably dressed waiters...everything that makes a fancy restaurant what it is. The only difference is that at each table for two, one of the seats is occupied by a monitor with a webcam attached.

Let's say that a woman sits down across from this monitor. Her date, who lives in a different city and quite possibly a different state, but at the same restaurant, is being displayed on the monitor across from her. Where he is, he's seeing her on the monitor. They can converse in real time, eat dinner together, and see how the other person behaves in real life. Sorry, no masks allowed.

Would this actually work? Perhaps. Would there still be perverted liars who would try to use this service to their advantage? Most probably, but it would add at least some kind of security to online dating. Would I actually open up a business like this? Hell no, but if someone is crazy enough to get it started, reserve me a table.