God is everywhere. God is in the trees, in the water, in the dog that's taking a shit on your lawn (God is in that shit too), in your butt and most DEFINITELY in my pants. Only God knows what he's doing there, but his existence in my pants makes me uncomfortable.
Who would want someone older than the universe in their pants? That's the ultimate example of pedophilia if you ask me and it's hella creepy. The worst thing is that you can't see Him. He's invisible. And He's touching me...but only if you believe in Him.
Stop believing! He will touch your children in their most private places! He will touch your spouse when no one is looking! No one can stop Him except you if you stop believing!
Unless of course, you like being groped by an invisible pedophile.
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